Transforming Sea Animal Robot – Bloodthirsty war Dolphin

  Transforming Sea Animal Robot – Bloodthirsty war Dolphin   Dolphins – for centuries these majestic and beloved creatures have returned us home when lost at sea, playfully entertained our children and shared in our miraculous gift of heightened intelligence but In our folly and hubris we have blindly accepted them as allies. Recent intelligence…

iJobs Mini – The Steve Jobs toy

  iJobs Mini – The Steve Jobs action Figure toy. Are you tired of your children wasting their playtime with nonsensical transforming robots or with the sugary-sweet adventures of rainbow-coloured ponies? A mutant Ninja Turtle? That sounds like a horrific abomination to both Man and God – There has to be a better way! Introducing…

Spiderman Penis gun: Fantastic Dart Set

Spider-Man Dart Gun Toy with a Penis for aTrigger In our last exciting episode of “Knock-Off Spider men, and the women who love them” Spidey explained, and demonstrated to us quite vividly, his challenges with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. We laughed, we cried and we pooped. Well Spidey is back in the Rubbish Reviews with this…

My Little Pony Sex dolls : My little clopper

MLP – My Little Pony Sex Toys. No, you read that right. Today’s topic will be about real sex toys based on the popular cartoon and toy line for kids. Chances are, you have heard of My Little Pony (MLP). Perhaps you or your children are a fan of our equestrian heroes or alternatively, you…

Kids Transformable Toy Train: Train Deformatio!

  Knock-Off Transformer Music Train. A few months ago I was walking through my friendly neighborhood dollar store, which in all honesty is actually more of an expensive, out of town dump run by a very suspicious and unfriendly person. Regardless, while I was in the store I bumped into a shelf by mistake and…

iPhone dog chew toy: iBone!

  iPhone themed dog chew toy. So what happens when you type in “iPhone” into an online shop and then sort by lowest to highest price? You find the iBone, mans best friend’s, best toy, and for your meagre investment you are rewarded with a dog toy shaped and painted like an iPhone. It looks…

Ghostbusters Knock-off toy: Spook Chasers

Spook chasers – Retro Knock-Off Ghostbusters Toys. You know it’s going to be a great day when you wake up with the theme to Ghostbusters playing on loop in your head. Regardless of how many years pass, this song is flawless, perfect in every single possible way. Ghostbusters was an integral part of my childhood…

Even More iPhone Kids toys: Y-Phone

Y-Phone – iPhone Music Toy for Kids. Oh look, another pile of rubbish that was designed to look like, and capitalize on, the iPhone. This one is called the Y-Phone and if you say it really fast it almost sounds like the real thing. Very clever.  Although it looks like an iPhone, it is not…

Knockoff Spider-man Toilet Solar powered toy: Fiber Man!

Solar Powered Spider-man Sitting on a Toilet toy. In the last exciting episode of the ‘moderately-remarkable Spider-man’, Doc. Oc decided to end his feud with our hero by inviting Spider-man to a comfortable brunch at his place. Spider-man agreed to the meeting, for if there was a way to bring peace to the world, he…

iPhone musical Kids Toy: iPhonys

iPhone Musical Toy for Kids. What is the best way to sell a pile of crappy products? Of course the answer is “rip off a successful product in some way-shape-or form and sell it cheap”. Obviously only the dumbest among us will buy something they don’t even want, just because it remotely resembles something they…

Dollar Store gang-bang – Vol. 1

Weird Dollar Store toys, and the people that love them. Welcome to the first edition of ‘Dollar Store gang-bang’ where a gang can go to get more bang for their buck. Yea, that’s what I mean by the title, what did you think I meant? In our first edition, we have a few oddities that…

Transformable Thomas the Train: Thom-a-stator!

Transformers Knock-Off Thomas the Tank Engine Gestalt Abomination. “One day… an Autobot shall rise from our ranks… and use the power of the Matrix… to light… our darkest hour.” The dying words of Optimus Prime from Transformers the Movie, perhaps the only scene in any movie that ever made me cry. We assume it was…

Knock Off Star Wars Darth Vader Toy: Star Invaders!

Star Invaders Darth Vader Toy featured in Star Wars – Revenge of the Shit. After the defeat of the Empire by the rebels in a distant galaxy, quite some time ago, Darth Vader’s body was laid to rest. The Empire was defeated and we presume Jar-Jar was killed as well. However, the time lords witnessed…

Creepy Psycho Clown doll: OK! Clown

This is why I hate Clowns – Creepy Psycho OK Clown from Hell! “The day of my birth, my death began its walk. It is walking toward me, without hurrying” – Jean Cocteau I want it known to anyone reading this, that I am afraid. I am afraid of what is to come to me and…